Cheer Try-Outs Make Me Puke...

Mom, You're choking me...

Dear God! Dahhhlin daughter tried out for cheerleader for the first time last weekend, and it was horrific...

I was stressed out the whole entire week prior, and a total lunatic by the actual try-outs on Saturday...

I couldn't sleep...

Couldn't eat...okay, couldn't stop eating...

And was sure I was gonna puke in the parking lot while waiting for the results...

Dahhhlin Daughter...

She took a nap...

As I frantically dug to the bottom of my purse for a nerve pill or three (didn't want to reek of the vodka around the SOBER SANE mothers)...

Dahhhlin Daughter took a siesta while waiting her turn...

Ummm...What the hell is wrong with that picture!

I tried out for cheer eight times, and although I do not remember being the nervous freaktard that I was for DD's try-outs, I most certainly do not recall falling asleep...

She called it a power nap...

My mouth was hanging open...(no, not from the valium...err...I'm pretty sure)

I mean, really...

Does this kid have any of my DNA at all...

I guess we both do love to shop, and are a TEENSY bit dramatic...(what?)

But the nerves of steel...

Where the hell?

Honestly, sometimes this kid's a total stranger...

Maybe SHE'S the crazy one...

or...

Maybe I should take up Yoga...

Learn to meditate...

Yeah...that should go well...

Go Bulldogs...

Dear, My Sixteen Year Old Self

Trending on Twitter last week was 'what would you tweet your 16 year old self'...

140 characters really wasn't gonna do it for me because I'm long winded so I thought I could do a journal blog to my 16 year old self...

Put down the Aqua Net, your hair is freakin big enough...

Do not go with the bi level...

You're so gonna regret those 80's pics...

Your kids are gonna laugh at them...

AND people are gonna tag you in them on FB...

I know you don't know what FB is, but make no mistake, you will, and it's big...in this case the camera is not your friend...

How many shades of eyeshadow must you apply...esp the turquiose, it's not your best color...

The Chevette does get great gas mileage, but you will have to use your feet, Fred Flintstone style, to get up a hill...keep looking...

Your parents are slightly cooler than you think...

Your kids are gonna think you are an idiot too...

Oh, and that you are NOT cool...if they could have only seen...never mind...you won't tell them, Thank God...

Date the nerdy guy...he's gonna make all the money...

Yes, you WILL tell your daughter to date the nerdy guy, he's gonna make all the money...

Your stomach IS flat, wait till you have two children...holy *&^%$, you won't believe it!!!!

Two of the girls, who you think are your friends...coniving BITCHES!!

AND they only get worse...

AND they talk you into the banana clip...you'll see...


Ps. You're gonna have two great kids, a wonderful husband, and tons of awesome fam and friends...

You're gonna love it...

I'm Probably Not A REAL Grown Up...Duhh

I'm still crying over the Rangers game last night which only made it harder to get my butt in gear today...

I had to do a couple of things that I really would like to avoid...

By avoid, I mean stick my head in the sand, and pretend it doesn't exist even though it is for my own good...

Bummer...I hate being a responsible adult...

Or at least...protraying one...

I guess I'm on my kids too much about being responsible...

Because they are the responsible police, and think that if I nag expect them to be responsible, then as an adult, I must be ten fold...

They just won't accept that whole do as I say, not as I do thingy...

Or (and this one is true) that I am not a REAL grown up...pffft...

Clearly they are smarter than I...

Or just enjoy torturing the shit out of me...

Maybe I could just claim that I've been TOO good of a mother...

Not falling for it?

Me either, but a girl can dream...

Okay, stop badgering me, it was some testing, yearly stuff that makes my already trashed out nervous system crave a humongo tranquilizer...

I've come to wonder about the whole 'testing so we can catch anything early' thing vs. the 'waiting for results, you're gonna give me a damn nervous breakdown/heart attack' thing...

I'll just have to medicate meditate, and soldier on...

And I thought my forties would be fun...

Ummm...woo hoo...

No, this post really doesn't have a point...as usual...

Or how about...

Being a grown up blows...

Or the Rangers play again tonight, wear is my claw and antlers t-shirt, damn it...

Glee/GQ Pics

I've got to address this Glee/GQ pictures thing...

I have many opinions on the Glee cast posing for racy pictures, but I'll only mention a few here...

I agree that they are adults who gained fame playing teens in a highschool setting, and have many tweens and teens who idolize them...

This makes me uncomfortable...

I also realize that the actresses are in character, in a highschool setting, and the err...clothing is of school girlish type...

I'm now sporting a frowny face...

And as a mother of a tween girl who was already hit and miss on watching Glee...

We will watch no more...

BUT, what really makes my ass twitch (french accent) is this...

Women exploiting ourselves as sexual objects for fame, fortune, or any other damn reason...

In movies, pictures, or on a pole...

Makes me want to puke...

The end.

View the pics @ Scary Mommy

Who's A Big Fraidy Cat

Where there is no imagination, there is no horror~Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

My bloggy buddy at The Big Fat Gini , mentioned that she saw the trailer for Paranormal Activity 2, and that reminded me to tell you...

Daaahhlin Daughter and I saw the movie Sunday night, and it scared the %$#@* out of  'us'...

We sat in out seats with our arms wrapped around each others necks like a coupla big babies...

Driving home we headed into a horrible storm, with lightening, hail, and a tornado warning...

Daahhlin Daughter said, "This is scarier than the movie, Mom", and I agreed with her until...

I went to bed that night...

I was the last one to turn in, and I scooted to the center of the bed after turning off the light...

Bad shit happens at the edges of the bed...

It's kinda like the shower...

If you suspect a psychotic killer/demon may be stalking you in your home, do NOT worry about your hygiene...

These are the rules, people...

Anyway, I heard something fall on the floor, and thought...yep, DEMON...

Cause demons throw shit on the floor constantly...I think...

But I soon realized (prayed) that it was just my son's friend, Anthony, who was sleeping on the couch...

I'm sure he fell asleep with the remote control in his hand, rolled over, and dropped it on the floor...

Just too lazy to put it back on the coffee table before dozing off...and not a demon at all...

Isn't it always the denial that gets those poor people in the movies hacked to death with a sickle...

Then I heard something that sounded pretty much like the wings of one of those crows, or whatthehellever from The Birds, flapping in the kitchen...

Probably possessed by a demon, and looking to peck my eyes out...

Cause demons do that shit for fun...

But soon realized with great relief that it was probably my Chessie flapping his ears which he does all the time even though he has to know that it sounds like a demonic crow who wants to peck me to death...

Damn dog...shouldn't he be in here sensing stuff, or something...emitting a low growl, and a whine every now and again...

I kept telling myself to go to sleep because I know that it is the person who is still awake in the house to whom all the bad shit happens...

It's in the damn fortune cookies...

They get all brave, and start exploring and shit...

Actually start looking for the demon/slasher/psycho...

Let me open this closet door where I heard a strange noise, and stick my head in...with no weapon in hand while wearing stilettos...

But I'm way too err...intelligent for that crap...

Go to sleep...go to sleep...go to sleep...

Wait...what the hell was that...

Just go to sleep for the love of God...

Fear kinda makes me carry on conversation with myself...not like I'm crazy or anything...

I have to pee...

This is the kind of luck I have people...

Oh God, I just thought about it...Do y'all think my cat episode was like Pet Cemetery...

I'm scared shitless to go down the hall to the bathroom, and if I do happen to make it, there will for sure be a demon in the shower waiting to kill me, or at the very least possess my body...

Rendering me hideously ugly...

Oh yeah, and...ummm...evil...

So I hall ass to the bathroom (hand over mouth to muffle the screams), perform a record speed pee...

Live, and decide to brave the kitchen for a melotonin, lunesta, vodka cocktail...

It's the only solution I could come up with...don't judge...

I'm gonna knock my possibly possessed body out so I won't know how unattractive I look, bludgeon my family to death, and slap the priest (my grandmother would kill me, demon or no)...

This morning from Daaahhlin Daughter, "How did you sleep?"

Me, "Fabulous!"

Why is she looking at me like that?

All suspicious...like her mom's a big fraidycattitbag...

Oh, She's probably sensing that I'm possessed...

Or just haven't had my first cup of coffee...

And what the hell is the Chessie looking at...

You've Got To See This

On the left is Maggie's Tiara Sister, Amanda (Miss J), with her friend Robin (Teen Miss J 2009)!
Guess who won first place?!
Ladies, What a reminder that we are beautiful and Strong!

God Is Good

This picture brings a smile to my face...
Have a Blessed Day!